January 2011
39 posts
So I want to get back into 500-700 calories a day,...
around the end of February I’m having major upper jaw surgery which will require me to be under anesthesia for like 4-5 hours. I don’t want to fuck up my heart or anything like that and die. So I don’t know what to do.
Do I restrict (which I want to do and probably will do anyway) and then try to be “normal” 1-2 days before the operation? I mean they will take blood...
I can't wait until I have my own house and a...
120by2012:
Summer 2011!
Well this is definitely a disease or a disorder or...
I just miss my restrictive ED more than anything. I felt like it gave me a purpose and all that. This binging may be more acceptable, but I can’t take it.
Going to not binge today.
Which means basically starve myself because once I start eating I cannot stop. I’ll bring apples to work and get coffee. Wish me luck.
Little bit of a tour of what I binged on last...
I wasn’t even hungry.
- 1/2 a big bag of reeses peices
-ice cream sandwhich
-regular hershey bar
-pizza hot pocket
-pretzel stuffed with cheese
-can of soup
-bbq ribs
-large spinach salad with mushrooms
-chips and salsa
And that’s what I remember before I tried to throw it all up and pass out into a food coma.
I ATE LIKE 4,000 calories.
Stomach is growling. Nothing about my life makes sense. Seriously? Wow.
So work called and they need me 2pm to 10pm...
7 1/2 hours I know I won’t be eating. Taking oranges and apples with me for my dinner break. I’ll have soup when I get home. Fruit for brunch as well. I hate eating.
My body hates me.
My leg keeps randomly going numb. I want to vomit. All the food I ate that my body wasn’t ready for is giving my stomach hell. Headache. Arms ache. I need to just go back to doing breakfast, lunch, and dinner as mandatory again instead of fasting. Time to plan.
Reblog if you feel fat right now.
PLUS I JUST BINGED.
It was like a black out kind of binge which is scary. It hurts to breathe I ate so much.
157.4lbs
Veggies and fruit day. Going to be reasonable. Not going to binge on them. Stay under 300 calories.
amore-fidelis asked: i deal with the same thing!!! and the bad part is it actually feels GOOD. its horrible, but it does. sometimes ill do it before i go to the shower and afterwards i put my head under the water so itll sting. /:
delena-lovebites asked: I pick my scalp also. It's comforting to know somebody else does it, also :)
weedandskinny asked: omg! I have awful sclap picingness too!.....i hate it, Its getting better now because Ive been using alot of conditioner so my scalps healing lol.
It's 3am and all I can think about is food and...
CHEESE AND PASTA. I CAN TASTE YOU IN MY MIND.
Going to sleep right now. RIGHT NOW. Veggies and fruits all day tomorrow if I’ve reached 157lbs. If not then I get nothing. Fuck you body:)
14013) When I fast I get really irritable....
amore-fidelis asked: you pick your scalp too???!
There is blood under all my fingernails
This scalp picking thing is just going way too out of control right now. It hasn’t been this bad in months. On the bright side no solid food today. I was basically forced to eat a few spoonfuls of milkshake at work. Liquid so not horrible, but I figured it would make me want to binge. IT DID BUT I stayed strong and the feeling passed. No work for three days. Three whole days. This should be...
36-26-36 asked: How much are you eating a day and how much water do you drink?
2 tags
How bad do you want it?
There’s definitely an endorphin rush you get from starving. Like if you get past the first day of nausea and hunger pains you basically feel like you never have to eat again. It’s the most powerful feeling. Like you can’t be human, but you are. Like everyone else is so much weaker because they feel and need and you just don’t.
For some reason my pillow smells like those little marshmellows that are in Lucky Charms cereal. Really brain?
I get greedy and don't exercise.
Not eating and taking my vitamins makes me feel vomit-y. 50-250 calories tomorrow. or I could just fast again. I probably won’t exercise all that much since I work. Sticking to the calories regimen though.
Slipping back into things.
So today while walking to work I almost stopped two different times to buy laxatives. And all this non eating has got me in one of those rage-y moods where everything makes me mad. Like if someone asks if I want something to eat or talks to me. I just have to remember the random rage feelings do actually pass by like the second day. I should be exercising right now, but I have to finish season 6...
When your body says "I can't," just tell it "Fuck...
THIS FOREVER.
When I finish up watching the whole Buffy series I...
I kinda want it to never end.
:(
walked 5607 steps to work today! can’t wait to go home and do like a million crunches and planks. Fasting too :)
Walking to work in the rain.
GREAT WAY TO START THE NEW YEAR.
Want to have an 80's theme party.
Don’t have enough friends to have a party.
lol
Got my mints, tea, and a whole 24 pack of diet...
I have no reason not to fast today<3
